On New Year's Resolutions

Holiday dinners, parties and gatherings, gift giving and celebrating are in full swing, which means that a new year is just around the bend. For years it was during this time that I would develop my New Year’s resolutions—a list of goals that I would endeavor to achieve in order to become a better person or to cure me of some bad habit, real or perceived.  Part of me was continually focused on making myself a better person. I guess age and experience have contributed to me realizing the whole concept of “being a better person” is nonsense. The reality is that the best of me, and the worst of me is all part of me and by working to be a better person, I was acknowledging I was not a good person to begin with. If I am going to go through life thinking I am not a good person, I am wasting precious time. Yes, I have lessons to learn and, yes, I have things to discover about myself.   

But I am not going to live whatever time is left for me constantly thinking I am not good and I can be better.  I need to bring focus to the best there is in me.

Part of this urge comes from today’s apparently accepted norm of judging. We judge everyone around us and we judge ourselves. We are also inclined to seek the negative. There is some strange part of being human, for most of us, that demands we find the negative in those around us. Is it because it makes us feel more important, more right?  Is it because we have come to our own conclusions and feel they are right and, thus, anyone with a different view is wrong?  I am catholic and thus you, being a Muslim, must be wrong. Because, if you are not wrong, then I am and that is clearly not acceptable! Isn’t the reality that we have all learned to approach the important things in life from a different perspective but that we are all seeking answers to the same questions? And isn’t the richness of our existence in the diversity of our exploration and surely, each of our journeys is different. If we are all walking the same path, in the same direction, having the same things to learn and all having the same opinion then where is the richness of life?

We didn’t become the people we are overnight. Decade’s worth of events, ideas, experiences, habits, observations and relationships have formed each of us into who we are.  We all are possessed of qualities that make us special and unique. I have grown in my willingness and ability to communicate with my wife, my friends and my colleagues, for example. But I still experience frustration if people don’t see things my way. Many of us like to live in absolutes, the white and black, but the reality is almost everything is grey. There are always different values, different influencers and yes, even different truths for each of us.  

Of course we are not helped in this by either the media or the state of politics today. It is much easier to deal in absolutes, the Republicans, or liberals or conservatives are right and the Democrats or Labour are wrong. Again, surely the reality is both have good ideas and if they/we could just acknowledge this and cease the inclination to demonize our opponents, we would be better for it.  But we love to be part of a gang, and yes being in a political party, belonging to a club is, in my mind all part of the same syndrome of gangs. We want to belong to something, something that will make us special.

The reality is that we are special, we are unique and, as many religions suggest, we carry the divine within us. The good news is that we are fully capable of being loving human beings but we have to emerge from fear, take some risks and allow ourselves to be what we are and not try and conform to whatever everyone else thinks we should be. I firmly believe that it’s also good news that we are all works in progress. We just need to open the doors within us, give value to those amazing characteristics and stop trying to be what are not.

2012 is forecast to be a year of transition. Many within the spiritual world see this coming year as a time of emergence where light will start to triumph over the dark. And you know, all we have to do is start the process ourselves. So let’s try not judging, let’s try looking for the good in everyone. More important, let’s begin that search within and start celebrating who we are. Our ability to appreciate the intricacies and nuances of who we are, along with our capacity to love ourselves and others is a part of the beauty and the majesty of being human beings. When thinking about how to be a better person, I submit that celebrating both our qualities and shortcomings is an excellent starting point. We each have the power to begin our journey to betterment.

Cambridge Beaches Resort & Spa, an oasis of respite and beauty, is an ideal setting for slowing the world down and readying yourself for that journey.  From our suites with sweeping views of the Atlantic Ocean to our award-winning Ocean Spa, the Cambridge Beaches lifestyle encourages mental, spiritual and physical wellness.

We would enjoy hearing from you about your goals for personal growth for the coming year. Join us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter or leave your comments here. 

Season’s Greetings!

Mike